~XxTiger-lilyxX

You know what I have noticed? How is that someone can look you in the face and say how much they love you but at the same time they are just think about others. I gave giving so much and yet I still have nothing to hold on to. Is there anyway to be happy in this life? Is so help me out.

I have held on to my past for a long time. Finally I have let go, and these are not just empty words to fill a screen. From all of the things in my past I only have one regret and that is the whole Max thing (if you don’t know the story just don’t ask). That was not how that night was supposed to just me and my best friend form 2nd grade, Virginia, but things went to a whole other world. The past is just that, something that can not be changed. those ‘what if” questions are fun to play with in your mind when you really have nothing better to do. It took me a long time to realize just how true that is.

I wonder is he knows just how much I gave up for him (or if it even matters). I gave up going home…all of my old friends, watching my brothers kids grow up ( I found that one of the has been getting into trouble), my step mothers family (my dream family), all the boys I let down, all the friends (some I am must better off without thank you), and so much more but I do not want to bore you dear reader.

I know this is off my main topic but (and I am not being whiny or emo) why is it that unless a guy is gay I cant have a guy friend who does not like me? There are some guys that I don’t mind liking me, Nick (you are so amazing and I don’t know how to thank you for what you did for me) or Michael ( I don’t care if you have a girlfriend or if my friends don’t like you I love talking to you). I swear there is only one guy that I know that does not like me like that and that is KT ( you are so amazing. You saved me from myself a few things there). For as long as I can remember I was always the “best friend”, the “just friends” or even “sister” type of girl. What in the hell changed? it is not like have a stunning body , I am a tiny girl. It is almost like guys were like “holy hell look at what was sitting next to us gaming” and liked what they saw. I have tried everything I can think of. Being a bitch to them, looking like shit but nothing really seems to work. Damn.

In short the person I love and have given (more or less) my life to is thinking about others and every other boy I see falls for me. I have like 2 chicks friends (not counting people I work with) and only I straight guy friend (yes I love my gay friends to death). Any ideas for me Reader?